Sharks May Be People

But they are definitely not human. They are dancer.

Sharks Came Up With Cell Phones First

Sharks have been using shells as phones for way longer than you ever thought was possible and they're pissed that humans stole their idea. You think that it's a coincidence that cell phone sounds like shell phone? You sheeple.

So the shark that gives out cancer (it's his power) is giving all the bitch ass humans who use cell phones brain cancer. But don't think you're safe if you're not using cell phones because that means you're a fucking weirdo and sharks hate you anyways for being weird and will give you cancer in other ways, bitches. No one is safe.

Sharks Are Cooler Than You Are

Sharks drive fast and play music loud.

They only live to get radical.

What Are Sharks’ Best Attributes?

All of them, you idiot. You obviously haven’t been paying attention at all.

Just kidding, it’s their pretty eyes and their gorgeous skin.

When Sharks Roll, They Roll Hard.

They just know that it’s fun to do bad things.


Sharks like to do hood rat things with their friends.

Sharks Aren’t Born, They Just Are

Only a finite number of sharks can exist. The current number is 69,420,001. For a new shark to come into existence an old shark must die. Then the new shark then flies out of the old shark's mouth.

But sometimes this happens:

You Are Smothering Them

Sharks don't need attention so stop giving it to them.