News Flash

Sharks are from the planet Pandora. PSYCH! Just kidding they aren’t at all. I was testing you, and you failed. They are from the same planet as Transformers.

Cats are actually from the Avatar planet.

I can't believe you thought that sharks were gross enough to have grody ponytail sex with everything, only cats are raunchy enough for that.

Sharks Don't Need Umbrellas

For so many reasons they don’t need umbrellas, but most importantly because they like rain. And they do not like it because they think it's cool to say that they like it. It’s because they make rain. They shoot out from the water super fast and bust through the clouds breaking them open and making the rain fall out. So obviously they like it.

Sharks Are Really Deep

Nothing is deeper than sharks, except maybe the ocean, but not really because it's not. Sharks are deeper.

The picture below shows how deep the ocean is. Sharks are deeper than that in every way possible.

*click on image to enlarge

All Sharks Are Twins

All sharks are twins, and their souls are connected. If one dies, its twin feels the pain of the world.

Fuck J. K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling did NOT come up with the Harry Potter story. She learned about shark mythology and then changed the story to be between wizards and muggles, instead of sharks and everyone else.

FACT she is a stealing, lying bitch.

Shark Is King

We’ve all heard it before, and it’s total bullshit. Neptune is not the king of the ocean. He never was, and he never will be. He’s not the king of anything, except for a bunch of gay mermaids. I once saw a shark take a bite out of a rainbow. I would like to see a mermaid do that.

Sharks are obviously over four hundred times better than mermaids, and way more hardcore. The liberal media has propagated these lies about Neptune being worth a shit to hide the real truth. Neptune answers to this guy:

Pictures Can Be Deceiving

Don't let this picture fool you, like all other sharks, this shark is dangerous as hell. NEVER underestimate a shark or it will be the end of you. Capiche?

*Whoever drew this abomination needs to be shot. This is so inaccurate. Sharks are nothing like this. The person who concocted this slanderous propaganda is probably a loser. So stop it.

Sharks Have A CIA

Sharks have their own CIA system, with secret agents and stuff. They have a training program to train against terrorist armies, which according to them includes squids, renegade bears, and peoples.

Sharks Don't Like Flowers

Sharks don't like flowers unless they're dandelions because dandelions are really pretty.

Hot Chicks Love Sharks

And vice versa. No one really knows shit about why. Maybe it’s the super powers, maybe it’s the being totally badass. Whatever it is, sharks are irresistible to hot chicks. And when hot chicks are around sharks, it’s like they are allergic to their clothes, and like to get buck naked. This is a prime example of this phenomenon:

(Pictured above: hot ass chick riding a shark with turning into metal powers)

Sharks Understand Art

Sharks understand your art. And they think it's stupid.

Sharks Aren't Ticklish

Sharks don't laugh when you tickle them. They laugh when you try to punch them in the nose. Why? Obviously because they don't even have noses, you dumb dumb humans. Noses don't exist on other planets so sharks would never even consider having them.

Sharks Are Harry Potter

The only human written book that sharks like is Harry Potter because it’s deep as fuck and not gay. The original story actually involved sharks. Yeah, it had lots of them. Don’t hate.

But anyway, the government told J. K. Rowling that she had to remove the sharks from the books because it was way too close to the truth. Sharks are real, and they have magic powers, and the government doesn’t want you to know about it. You heard it here first folks.

Sharks Are Sharks

Above all other things, sharks are sharks. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. They always have, and always will be sharks. Don’t try to change them. It is totally useless, and only an idiot would try.


You’re just fixing what’s not broken. Practice what you preach, bitches. Don’t try to kill four stones with a bird bitch.

Sharks Are Into Norse Gods

Sharks are really into Norse Gods and the Kardashians. Norse Gods and the Kardashians are equally interesting and sharks know it.

Sharks Invented The Internet

(Pictured above: The Internets)

Al Gore can shut his lying mouth because sharks invented the Internet, hard. Not really though because if you know anything then you know that the Internet always existed, like electricity. Sharks harnessed its power first, hard. This is the reason for the surfing metaphors. And obviously yes, when they had arms and legs, like 4 billion years ago (before Humans were even close to existing), sharks invented surfing as well, hard.

Shark's Eating Habits

Sharks eat anything and everything. Sharks eat fish, marsupials, coral, humans, birds, broccoli, board games, rocks, saxophones, their feelings, and anything else they can. Their hunger is insatiable. They prefer things that have blood, but they will settle for anything that will make them stronger. Considering that when they eat something they absorb its powers, they will eat anything because sharks are power hungry. They are not perfect.

Sharks Watch TV

Sharks only watch one TV show: Little Miss Perfect. Don't you even THINK about them being pedophiles because they only watch it when they're high and it freaks them the fuck out, except they’re not freaked out. Nothing phases sharks. Nothing.

Shark Is The New Black

Sharks favorite color is black because all other colors are gay as shit.