Sharks Invented Tempurpedic Mattresses

Sharks invented Tempurpedic mattresses way before those Swedish people discovered them (the Swedes claim that they invented them with space technology or whatever, but it's not true. They were invented by sharks on their home planet...people are so dumb)

So yeah, on their home planet Tempurpedic material is so common it literally grows on trees, and it’s what they make their houses out of. Sharks brought it with them to earth, not for them to sleep on, but because they wanted the humans to sleep more soundly on them. This way they could have an easier time stealing your thoughts.

Sharks Love Teenage Pregnancy.

They think it's hilarious, which it is.

Sharks Are In Your Head

You know how sometimes, you are about to say something and then you forget and are like “DAMMIT!” That doesn’t happen to sharks ever.

Because sharks are stealing your thoughts and memories, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Shark’s Blood Is The Most Expensive Liquid On The Planet.

It’s more expensive than oil, bottled water, glowstick fluid and printer ink.

Who Would Win In A Fight, Batman Or Superman?

Neither. A shark would win dumbass, and any plain old shark could do it. You don’t even need a super powered shark. But that’s irrelevant because it leads us directly into the next fact.

All sharks have super powers.

And no two sharks have the same powers. Each has their own unique power.

For instance, this shark is really good at surprises:


This one is really good at partying:
And this one can do this:

Sharks Invented Video Games

This is the earliest video game known to man or shark.
It was called “Donkey Shark.” It still is the funnest game ever to be created. Sharks traded their videogame technology for nuclear secrets as well as Hot Pocket technology with the Japanese.

That’s right sharks have Nukes and Japanese Hot Pockets. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Shorks!

Sharks were originally called “Shorks.” They had a big meeting with all the other badass creatures on earth (Bears, Wolves, Tigers, Dragons, Chupacabras, Sasquatches, Native Americans, etc.). At the tribunal of badassery, it was decided that “Sharks” was a way badasser name. So they changed it.

P.S. Before this meeting Wolves were called Ladyfingers.