Sharks Are UFOs

We already know that sharks fly in the air at night. Given. But sometimes they are traveling so fast that they show up on airplane radar, or turn on their glowing mechanism so that they light up (this was discussed earlier in the section about how all sharks have super powers... try to keep up please). When this happens, dumb dumb humans think it’s UFOs.

Technically, they are right because sharks are from a different planet and they can’t be identified whilst flying around all catawampus, but they are actually dead wrong because they think that little green men with big heads and black eyes are driving circle ships. Wrong alert.

Sharks' Roars

Sharks' roars and growls are so low pitched that nothing on earth, besides sharks and super fancy computers (made with stolen shark technology), can hear them. Since humans can’t hear these noises, they have a name for how shark roars feel. They call them earthquakes.

Yeah, sharks don't roar that often.

Science

If you rub two sharks together, you get a sandwich. Don’t ask me why because it’s science.

Sharks vs. Whales

Sharks are so much better than whales it’s not even funny, well it actually is funny, but not that funny. So seriously, sharks are two hundred times better. “Why?” you ask. Simple. First off, they just are. Secondly, why do they have to call the most badass whale a killer whale?
Calling a shark a killer shark would be redundant as fuck because any jackass already knows that sharks are cold ass killers. Guess what the pussiest shark is called. Give up? It’s called a WHALE shark.
I rest my case. Out of order?! Your Honor, this whole blog is out of order!

Sharks Cry

Sharks cry sometimes. Not because they're sad, but because they just like it.

Back In The Day

Back in the olden times, before Columbus fucked everything up, sharks and Native Americans had a hardcore alliance. Together they invented feather hats, face paint, sunglasses and gambling. They also knew a bunch of other ways to look super cool. It’s too bad they had a falling out. They used to be very close.

What happened was that Native Americans were really into unicorn meat, and they killed all the Unicorns. They also wore the horns to look super badass. This offended the sharks because sharks share a common ancestor with unicorns, the sharkicorn.

(Artist’s rendering)

The Loch Ness Monster Doesn’t Have Shit On Sharks

Why do you think he hides out in that dumb lake? Cause he is scared. If Loch Ness monsters had anything on sharks wouldn’t they be swimming free in the ocean? Instead guess what, the seas belong to sharks. End of story. And those pussy ass Loch Ness Monsters will stay out of the ocean if they know what’s good for them.