Sharks Watch TV

Sharks only watch one TV show: Little Miss Perfect. Don't you even THINK about them being pedophiles because they only watch it when they're high and it freaks them the fuck out, except they’re not freaked out. Nothing phases sharks. Nothing.

Shark Is The New Black

Sharks favorite color is black because all other colors are gay as shit.

Sharks Have Mustaches

Sharks have mustaches. You may not be able to see them, but they’re definitely there. The superfine mustache bristles pick up vibrations in the water. Using their invisible mustaches they can sense any emotion like fear, jealousy, itchiness, if you are singing a song in your head, etc.

Sharks Are Poetic

Sharks would NEVER write sappy songs like angsty canadian preteens. They do write deep haikus though. Humans think they write haikus, but that word garbage is a joke compared to the soul crushing word music sharks create.

Sharks Are UFOs

We already know that sharks fly in the air at night. Given. But sometimes they are traveling so fast that they show up on airplane radar, or turn on their glowing mechanism so that they light up (this was discussed earlier in the section about how all sharks have super powers... try to keep up please). When this happens, dumb dumb humans think it’s UFOs.

Technically, they are right because sharks are from a different planet and they can’t be identified whilst flying around all catawampus, but they are actually dead wrong because they think that little green men with big heads and black eyes are driving circle ships. Wrong alert.

Sharks' Roars

Sharks' roars and growls are so low pitched that nothing on earth, besides sharks and super fancy computers (made with stolen shark technology), can hear them. Since humans can’t hear these noises, they have a name for how shark roars feel. They call them earthquakes.

Yeah, sharks don't roar that often.

Science

If you rub two sharks together, you get a sandwich. Don’t ask me why because it’s science.