Sharks Are Sharks

Above all other things, sharks are sharks. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. They always have, and always will be sharks. Don’t try to change them. It is totally useless, and only an idiot would try.


You’re just fixing what’s not broken. Practice what you preach, bitches. Don’t try to kill four stones with a bird bitch.

Sharks Are Into Norse Gods

Sharks are really into Norse Gods and the Kardashians. Norse Gods and the Kardashians are equally interesting and sharks know it.

Sharks Invented The Internet

(Pictured above: The Internets)

Al Gore can shut his lying mouth because sharks invented the Internet, hard. Not really though because if you know anything then you know that the Internet always existed, like electricity. Sharks harnessed its power first, hard. This is the reason for the surfing metaphors. And obviously yes, when they had arms and legs, like 4 billion years ago (before Humans were even close to existing), sharks invented surfing as well, hard.

Shark's Eating Habits

Sharks eat anything and everything. Sharks eat fish, marsupials, coral, humans, birds, broccoli, board games, rocks, saxophones, their feelings, and anything else they can. Their hunger is insatiable. They prefer things that have blood, but they will settle for anything that will make them stronger. Considering that when they eat something they absorb its powers, they will eat anything because sharks are power hungry. They are not perfect.

Sharks Watch TV

Sharks only watch one TV show: Little Miss Perfect. Don't you even THINK about them being pedophiles because they only watch it when they're high and it freaks them the fuck out, except they’re not freaked out. Nothing phases sharks. Nothing.

Shark Is The New Black

Sharks favorite color is black because all other colors are gay as shit.

Sharks Have Mustaches

Sharks have mustaches. You may not be able to see them, but they’re definitely there. The superfine mustache bristles pick up vibrations in the water. Using their invisible mustaches they can sense any emotion like fear, jealousy, itchiness, if you are singing a song in your head, etc.