Sharks May Be People

But they are definitely not human. They are dancer.

Sharks Came Up With Cell Phones First

Sharks have been using shells as phones for way longer than you ever thought was possible and they're pissed that humans stole their idea. You think that it's a coincidence that cell phone sounds like shell phone? You sheeple.

So the shark that gives out cancer (it's his power) is giving all the bitch ass humans who use cell phones brain cancer. But don't think you're safe if you're not using cell phones because that means you're a fucking weirdo and sharks hate you anyways for being weird and will give you cancer in other ways, bitches. No one is safe.

Sharks Are Cooler Than You Are

Sharks drive fast and play music loud.

They only live to get radical.

What Are Sharks’ Best Attributes?

All of them, you idiot. You obviously haven’t been paying attention at all.

Just kidding, it’s their pretty eyes and their gorgeous skin.

When Sharks Roll, They Roll Hard.

They just know that it’s fun to do bad things.


Sharks like to do hood rat things with their friends.

Sharks Aren’t Born, They Just Are

Only a finite number of sharks can exist. The current number is 69,420,001. For a new shark to come into existence an old shark must die. Then the new shark then flies out of the old shark's mouth.

But sometimes this happens:

You Are Smothering Them

Sharks don't need attention so stop giving it to them.

A Brief History Lesson

A long time ago, when hybrid animals were the norm, purebred animals were special and magical.


During this time there was a great war…


The humans will never fully understand the intensity of this war because they doth be a bunch of whiny petunia bitchez.


This was the time of the street sharks!

Death Doesn't Scare Sharks

Sharks aren't afraid to die; they're afraid to live.

Technology

Sharks are made of technology. This ones name is Technology Werewolf. He came from the future to teach us about stuff, but then he decided not to.

Shark Dogs Wear Shoes

Besides wearing shoes, shark dogs are a shark’s best friend, and so are dogs.

The Truth

Sharks are actually burritos. Suck it.

News Flash

Sharks are from the planet Pandora. PSYCH! Just kidding they aren’t at all. I was testing you, and you failed. They are from the same planet as Transformers.

Cats are actually from the Avatar planet.

I can't believe you thought that sharks were gross enough to have grody ponytail sex with everything, only cats are raunchy enough for that.

Sharks Don't Need Umbrellas

For so many reasons they don’t need umbrellas, but most importantly because they like rain. And they do not like it because they think it's cool to say that they like it. It’s because they make rain. They shoot out from the water super fast and bust through the clouds breaking them open and making the rain fall out. So obviously they like it.

Sharks Are Really Deep

Nothing is deeper than sharks, except maybe the ocean, but not really because it's not. Sharks are deeper.

The picture below shows how deep the ocean is. Sharks are deeper than that in every way possible.

*click on image to enlarge

All Sharks Are Twins

All sharks are twins, and their souls are connected. If one dies, its twin feels the pain of the world.

Fuck J. K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling did NOT come up with the Harry Potter story. She learned about shark mythology and then changed the story to be between wizards and muggles, instead of sharks and everyone else.

FACT she is a stealing, lying bitch.

Shark Is King

We’ve all heard it before, and it’s total bullshit. Neptune is not the king of the ocean. He never was, and he never will be. He’s not the king of anything, except for a bunch of gay mermaids. I once saw a shark take a bite out of a rainbow. I would like to see a mermaid do that.

Sharks are obviously over four hundred times better than mermaids, and way more hardcore. The liberal media has propagated these lies about Neptune being worth a shit to hide the real truth. Neptune answers to this guy:

Pictures Can Be Deceiving

Don't let this picture fool you, like all other sharks, this shark is dangerous as hell. NEVER underestimate a shark or it will be the end of you. Capiche?

*Whoever drew this abomination needs to be shot. This is so inaccurate. Sharks are nothing like this. The person who concocted this slanderous propaganda is probably a loser. So stop it.

Sharks Have A CIA

Sharks have their own CIA system, with secret agents and stuff. They have a training program to train against terrorist armies, which according to them includes squids, renegade bears, and peoples.

Sharks Don't Like Flowers

Sharks don't like flowers unless they're dandelions because dandelions are really pretty.

Hot Chicks Love Sharks

And vice versa. No one really knows shit about why. Maybe it’s the super powers, maybe it’s the being totally badass. Whatever it is, sharks are irresistible to hot chicks. And when hot chicks are around sharks, it’s like they are allergic to their clothes, and like to get buck naked. This is a prime example of this phenomenon:

(Pictured above: hot ass chick riding a shark with turning into metal powers)

Sharks Understand Art

Sharks understand your art. And they think it's stupid.

Sharks Aren't Ticklish

Sharks don't laugh when you tickle them. They laugh when you try to punch them in the nose. Why? Obviously because they don't even have noses, you dumb dumb humans. Noses don't exist on other planets so sharks would never even consider having them.

Sharks Are Harry Potter

The only human written book that sharks like is Harry Potter because it’s deep as fuck and not gay. The original story actually involved sharks. Yeah, it had lots of them. Don’t hate.

But anyway, the government told J. K. Rowling that she had to remove the sharks from the books because it was way too close to the truth. Sharks are real, and they have magic powers, and the government doesn’t want you to know about it. You heard it here first folks.

Sharks Are Sharks

Above all other things, sharks are sharks. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. They always have, and always will be sharks. Don’t try to change them. It is totally useless, and only an idiot would try.


You’re just fixing what’s not broken. Practice what you preach, bitches. Don’t try to kill four stones with a bird bitch.

Sharks Are Into Norse Gods

Sharks are really into Norse Gods and the Kardashians. Norse Gods and the Kardashians are equally interesting and sharks know it.

Sharks Invented The Internet

(Pictured above: The Internets)

Al Gore can shut his lying mouth because sharks invented the Internet, hard. Not really though because if you know anything then you know that the Internet always existed, like electricity. Sharks harnessed its power first, hard. This is the reason for the surfing metaphors. And obviously yes, when they had arms and legs, like 4 billion years ago (before Humans were even close to existing), sharks invented surfing as well, hard.

Shark's Eating Habits

Sharks eat anything and everything. Sharks eat fish, marsupials, coral, humans, birds, broccoli, board games, rocks, saxophones, their feelings, and anything else they can. Their hunger is insatiable. They prefer things that have blood, but they will settle for anything that will make them stronger. Considering that when they eat something they absorb its powers, they will eat anything because sharks are power hungry. They are not perfect.

Sharks Watch TV

Sharks only watch one TV show: Little Miss Perfect. Don't you even THINK about them being pedophiles because they only watch it when they're high and it freaks them the fuck out, except they’re not freaked out. Nothing phases sharks. Nothing.

Shark Is The New Black

Sharks favorite color is black because all other colors are gay as shit.

Sharks Have Mustaches

Sharks have mustaches. You may not be able to see them, but they’re definitely there. The superfine mustache bristles pick up vibrations in the water. Using their invisible mustaches they can sense any emotion like fear, jealousy, itchiness, if you are singing a song in your head, etc.

Sharks Are Poetic

Sharks would NEVER write sappy songs like angsty canadian preteens. They do write deep haikus though. Humans think they write haikus, but that word garbage is a joke compared to the soul crushing word music sharks create.

Sharks Are UFOs

We already know that sharks fly in the air at night. Given. But sometimes they are traveling so fast that they show up on airplane radar, or turn on their glowing mechanism so that they light up (this was discussed earlier in the section about how all sharks have super powers... try to keep up please). When this happens, dumb dumb humans think it’s UFOs.

Technically, they are right because sharks are from a different planet and they can’t be identified whilst flying around all catawampus, but they are actually dead wrong because they think that little green men with big heads and black eyes are driving circle ships. Wrong alert.

Sharks' Roars

Sharks' roars and growls are so low pitched that nothing on earth, besides sharks and super fancy computers (made with stolen shark technology), can hear them. Since humans can’t hear these noises, they have a name for how shark roars feel. They call them earthquakes.

Yeah, sharks don't roar that often.

Science

If you rub two sharks together, you get a sandwich. Don’t ask me why because it’s science.

Sharks vs. Whales

Sharks are so much better than whales it’s not even funny, well it actually is funny, but not that funny. So seriously, sharks are two hundred times better. “Why?” you ask. Simple. First off, they just are. Secondly, why do they have to call the most badass whale a killer whale?
Calling a shark a killer shark would be redundant as fuck because any jackass already knows that sharks are cold ass killers. Guess what the pussiest shark is called. Give up? It’s called a WHALE shark.
I rest my case. Out of order?! Your Honor, this whole blog is out of order!

Sharks Cry

Sharks cry sometimes. Not because they're sad, but because they just like it.

Back In The Day

Back in the olden times, before Columbus fucked everything up, sharks and Native Americans had a hardcore alliance. Together they invented feather hats, face paint, sunglasses and gambling. They also knew a bunch of other ways to look super cool. It’s too bad they had a falling out. They used to be very close.

What happened was that Native Americans were really into unicorn meat, and they killed all the Unicorns. They also wore the horns to look super badass. This offended the sharks because sharks share a common ancestor with unicorns, the sharkicorn.

(Artist’s rendering)