Sharks Came Up With Cell Phones First

Sharks have been using shells as phones for way longer than you ever thought was possible and they're pissed that humans stole their idea. You think that it's a coincidence that cell phone sounds like shell phone? You sheeple.

So the shark that gives out cancer (it's his power) is giving all the bitch ass humans who use cell phones brain cancer. But don't think you're safe if you're not using cell phones because that means you're a fucking weirdo and sharks hate you anyways for being weird and will give you cancer in other ways, bitches. No one is safe.