Shark's Skeletons Are Made Of Gold

It’s true.

I know they told you that shark’s skeletons are made of some junk called cartilage. Well they lied straight to your face. Assholes, I know. So yeah they are made of gold. You are thinking this:

“Gold is a soft metal, and if they were hard they would be made out of platinum or adamantium.”
-You

Well let me welcome you to the real world dork. Gold is sure as hell harder than cartilage and if you could chose between gold and cartilage you would choose gold if you knew anything.

“But I’ve seen shark bones before in magazines and periodicals and shit.”
-You

Can you stop doubting me already? Those are fake. Sharks make those fake bones to trick us into thinking that they are from earth (which they aren’t).

Sharks Killed The Dinosaurs

I know that the government told you that some stupid comet killed the dinosaurs. They are assholes, and that was a big lie. Sharks killed the dinosaurs. Way back when, right around the year 4 million BC sharks had legs and they could go on land. They hated the dinosaurs a bunch, especially stegosauruses. So they killed the dinosaurs with guns. Oh yeah, they had guns, big ones. They used silver bullets that are normally reserved for werewolfs but the sharks made an exception because they really wanted all the dinosaurs dead.

*I know you think I misspelled “werewolfs” because it should be “werewolves” but you are an idiot because it doesn’t go plural the same way as wolf does because it's not the same word, at all.

Let's Get The Ball Rolling

First off, I would like to clear the air. Sharks ARE real. With all this CGI and fancy technology they have these days, it is not far fetched to think that sharks are made up, but I have seen one in real life. So take it from me, they exist. In fact, they hella exist. They probably exist more than you do. My friend Billy can vouch for me, I am not a liar.